Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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