I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
