that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
