I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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