Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Holy sore nipples Batman
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize