Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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