If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
