is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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