Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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