I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
