Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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