Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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