you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
