He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
