you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
