Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
