gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
