You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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