I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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