if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
