girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
