I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think my fart just growled at me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
