Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
