I must be too annoying 4 u.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
