Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
