apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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