what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Im part way to drunk.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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