I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
