today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
