don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
