Small penises have feelings too.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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