My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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