you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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