the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He shit in the fireplace
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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