then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
