yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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