I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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