Sry I called you an 8
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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