just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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