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Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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