Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just sucked dick on a ferry
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
