Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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