I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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