I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
3pm strippers are depressing
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
