So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
