i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
