If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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