Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
