i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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