so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
