White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
