I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
