I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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