omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
