hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
