You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
third nipple confirmed
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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