he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
