420 ftw
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
