And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Your tits are I can't wait for
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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