just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
