maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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