This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
