Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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