my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
