Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
