I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
