this beer tastes like vomit already
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize