Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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