your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
