The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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