I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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