this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
